Excited about the void

Ramadan is over and I am still going to the mosque every evening .
When I think about it, it is a very odd thing I am doing . With a sense of anticipitation and excitement I hop on the subway like someone who is going home eager to see the next sequel of her favorite movie turned into a tv series, that cannot be missed .
With joyous anticipation going like a girl in love to a date for which one dresses up not in charming clothes and lacy underwear but rather dresses down , gets wrapped up in long flowing sheets of fabric , carefully hiding  one's adornments as the scriptures demand... Combining silk scarves with exotic flowing robes that almost  reach the floor ...
And then to sit. To just sit. And wait. The inner eye wide awake and the rest of the mind in kind of a swoon, the body perfectly still. Or shaken by vibrations, shivers and convulsions .,, and more stillness . Wandering through inner landscapes, marveling at the brilliance and beauty of hitherto unknown colors... Always waiting. Like a lover. Unfolding like a rose blossom, an opening tulip...