Happiness is strange thing.
It is elusive like a wild bird, and it comes to me, catches me unawares, like a butterfly landing on my shoulder.
I used to think that I need a trigger to be happy. Like, a man who I love would make me happy. If I could just find the right man who I could love enough, who would love me enough, then....
Or if I could just have the right circumstances and live in them, then...
These days it is the opposite. I catch myself being happy. Serene, carefree, filled with a gentle, quiet happiness, based on gratitude for being able to survive, for being safe, being able to eat, live, pray, move, be healthy and keep going... Then I tell myself:"But you should be worried about this, or that, why are you happy, don't you fear this could happen, don't you worry about the future? What reason do you have to be happy like this?" And my heart listens and responds:"You are right, I don't have any reasonable reason to feel so serene but I am! Yes, I should worry more but I can't be bothered! The future? It is not here yet and the sky has not fallen down. "
Simple pleasures I enjoy. The green of the trees, the glowing vibrant colors of the flowers. The fragrance wafting on the air and entering my nostrils. The whiff of jasmine coming across the fence when I come home on a warm moonlit night.
Sometimes I feel that plants are the sexiest things on earth. Only secondary to fruits...
No need for an otherness in my life. Just me and nature.
A faint memory the days of words of another replayed in my mind, I am my own mistress and my self unfolds and stretches leisurely under the gentleness of the way I treat myself.
The excitement of going on a date? It happens when I pray....
It is elusive like a wild bird, and it comes to me, catches me unawares, like a butterfly landing on my shoulder.
I used to think that I need a trigger to be happy. Like, a man who I love would make me happy. If I could just find the right man who I could love enough, who would love me enough, then....
Or if I could just have the right circumstances and live in them, then...
These days it is the opposite. I catch myself being happy. Serene, carefree, filled with a gentle, quiet happiness, based on gratitude for being able to survive, for being safe, being able to eat, live, pray, move, be healthy and keep going... Then I tell myself:"But you should be worried about this, or that, why are you happy, don't you fear this could happen, don't you worry about the future? What reason do you have to be happy like this?" And my heart listens and responds:"You are right, I don't have any reasonable reason to feel so serene but I am! Yes, I should worry more but I can't be bothered! The future? It is not here yet and the sky has not fallen down. "
Simple pleasures I enjoy. The green of the trees, the glowing vibrant colors of the flowers. The fragrance wafting on the air and entering my nostrils. The whiff of jasmine coming across the fence when I come home on a warm moonlit night.
Sometimes I feel that plants are the sexiest things on earth. Only secondary to fruits...
No need for an otherness in my life. Just me and nature.
A faint memory the days of words of another replayed in my mind, I am my own mistress and my self unfolds and stretches leisurely under the gentleness of the way I treat myself.
The excitement of going on a date? It happens when I pray....
beautiful......
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